Must-Have Conversations to Have Before the Baby Comes

This post shows you the Must-Have Conversations Before the Baby Comes that you need to have with your partner!

Are you thinking about starting a family? Are you searching online for ways to prepare for a baby? If so, you’re probably overwhelmed with tips on how to decorate for a baby, what to buy, and how to get ready for pregnancy.

But what are you finding that will actually prepare you for becoming a parent? I’m not talking about books, seminars, or workshops. I’m talking about the real, deep conversations you need to have with yourself and your partner before deciding to have a baby.

I remember when I first met my husband 11 years ago, I thought, wow, maybe one day we’ll have a baby together. I was over the moon then, and I still am with him now. We started living together 10 years ago, we have a dog, and we’re now expecting our first baby!

I can’t even tell you how many conversations we had before we decided we were ready to have a baby.

We are talking about years of talking, debating, discussing, and even listing pros and cons sometimes. And we started talking about this a decade ago!

So, I’m happy to share some of our main topics that we’ve discussed and what helped us to decide that we’re at the right place in our lives to have a baby!

What Are Our Core Life Values and Beliefs?

This is one of the most important conversations to have before the baby comes, as it will impact the rest of your life, your parenthood, and your marriage.

What are the life values and beliefs you want to instill in your child?

You don’t have to agree on everything, but you should be ready to openly share two perspectives. This will help your child thrive in a dynamic environment where dialogue is encouraged!

Even if you don’t see eye to eye on every topic, you’ll do great as long as you’re both willing to talk things through.

Do your life values revolve around being productive at work, active in your community, involved in your church, pursuing a fulfilling hobby, or committing to lifelong learning?

Trust me, these will be some of the most important conversations before the baby comes!

There are so many possibilities, and all of them are great—as long as you’re able to talk about them!

What Does Happiness Mean to Us, and How Are We Going to Help Our Child Find It?

To us, happiness is good health, independence, and free time. We’re happy having less but having more time together.

We value our independence because we like to do things on our own. We don’t find it hard to “struggle” or “sacrifice” for what we want to achieve.

Ask your partner one evening: What does happiness mean to you? How will we teach our child about happiness?

It may not look like it now, but defining happiness is one of the crucial conversations to have before the baby arrives!

You can even write down your answers in a journal and share them with your child one day!

How Will We Define and Model Kindness in Our Family?

Kindness isn’t just about being polite and nice and saying please and thank you—it’s about how we treat each other, how we handle conflict, and how we show up for the people in our lives.

• How do we want to define kindness in our family?
• Does it mean helping others without expecting anything in return?
• Speaking to each other with respect, even when we’re frustrated?
• Teaching our child to stand up for others?

And how will we model it? Kids learn from what they see, not just what they hear. If we want them to be kind, they need to see us being kind—to each other, to strangers, to ourselves.

This means that we’ll actively have to practice kindness in our community, family, and home. 

This means that we’ll have to put our differences aside and, for the sake of our baby, work on practicing kindness every single day! This is more of a practical way of creating a healthy environment, but it is still one of the essential conversations before the baby comes.

This is a conversation worth having because kindness isn’t something kids just pick up—it’s something they learn by watching us every single day.

What Is Our Philosophy on Parenting Roles?

Traditional mom roles? Yeah, that’s a no-go in our marriage. We see parenting as a joint project, not a one-person job.

And one of the most important conversations to have before the baby comes is how we’re going to approach parenting roles—together.

Diaper changes, feeding, and bath time? Sure, we’ll handle those. But what about everything else?

Who’s going to teach them their letters? Practice tummy time? Keep track of doctor’s appointments?

For generations, moms were expected to handle everything, while dads stepped in for the grunt work and playtime.

And listen—every setup is fine as long as you both agree on it.

The key is talking about it now before the baby arrives so no one ends up feeling overwhelmed, overlooked, or resentful.

So, what’s your plan? Let’s figure it out together.

What Are Our Views on Gender Equality?

I’m a feminist. My husband is a feminist. We both believe in and practice gender equality—not just in our life philosophies but in our daily lives.

For us, this means that my husband doesn’t have to be the sole financial provider. If I decide to go after a career opportunity I love, he can be a stay-at-home dad. And if he wants to pursue a big career move, I can take on more at home.

It also means that parenting isn’t divided into “mom jobs” and “dad jobs.”

He’s just as responsible for middle-of-the-night feedings as I am. I’m just as capable of handling home repairs as he is. If something is broken and he’s not around, I am not frustrated with him, and I can call for help or fix things myself.

Just because he’s responsible for repairs, it doesn’t mean that I demand anything from him all the time. Vice versa.

We both cook, we both clean, we both parent—because that’s what equality looks like in a family.

And gender equality isn’t just about us. It’s about how we raise our child, too.

Whether you have a son or a daughter, you want them to grow up knowing that their worth isn’t tied to outdated gender roles. They should feel free to pursue whatever interests them—whether that’s sports, dance, science, caregiving, or leadership—without being boxed in by stereotypes.

At its core, gender equality means having the freedom to choose without society telling you who you should be. It means recognizing that all roles—caregiving, breadwinning, leading, supporting—are equally valuable and that both parents have the right to shape their lives based on their passions, skills, and dreams.

Don’t think that this is one of those conversations before the baby girl comes! Gender equality is important for boys, too!

So, what does gender equality look like in your home?

That’s a conversation worth having before the baby arrives.

How Do We Feel About Protecting Versus Preparing Our Child for Life’s Challenges?

Every parent wants to protect their child. It’s instinct.

When we imagine our baby growing up, we want to shield them from pain, disappointment, and anything that could hurt them.

But at the same time, we know we can’t keep them isolated in a bubble forever. The real world doesn’t work like that.

Together, we need to find a balance between protecting our children and preparing them for life.

For example, if our child has a conflict with a friend, do we step in and solve it for them, or do we guide them in working through it on their own?

If they fail at something—whether it’s a school test or a big game—do we soften the blow, or do we help them process the experience and try again?

Some parents wish to keep their kids safe from learning about injustice, death, and illness, while others want to prepare them for that.

I have to admit, I belong to the second group, and I want my kids to learn about how the world works but at the same time know that they have reassurance and security at home.

This is something we have to talk about before the baby comes because our approach will shape the way they see the world.

Are we raising them to be safe, or are we raising them to be strong?

Maybe the answer is a little of both. Either way, you need to figure out what that balance looks like for you.

How Will We Teach Our Child About Respect for Others?

Respect isn’t just about saying “yes, ma’am” or “no, sir.” It’s about how we treat people—our family, our friends, strangers, and even those we disagree with. As parents, it’s our job to model that respect every single day.

I think now more than ever, we can see how politics can divide us as people.

So, how will we teach our child what respect really means?

First, they’ll learn by watching us.

• How do we speak to each other when we’re frustrated?
• How do we treat servers at a restaurant or cashiers at a store?
• How do we talk about people who think differently than we do?

Our child will absorb those lessons long before they understand the word respect.

Then, there’s respect in relationships.

• How will we teach them to respect personal boundaries?
• To listen when someone says no?
• To apologize when they’ve hurt someone?

And what about respect for differences? How do we introduce them to the idea that people come from different backgrounds, cultures, and experiences—and that those differences deserve to be acknowledged and valued?

Respect isn’t about obedience. It’s about empathy, kindness, and understanding that every person has value.

If you want your child to grow up treating others with dignity, you have to show them what that looks like—every day, in the big moments and the small ones.

This is a lot to digest! I know!

But it helps to talk about things before the baby comes. I assure you that these conversations will bring you closer together, and they are going to set you up for success as parents.

Here’s a list of questions to note down and talk about over dinner, breakfast, or your next date. 

To me, they were one of the most important conversations before the baby comes. You can make this a dinner date, get comfy, and talk about the following things:

• What are our core life values and beliefs?
• What does happiness mean to us, and how are we going to help our child find it?
• How will we define and model kindness in our family?
• What is our philosophy on parenting roles?
• What are our views on gender equality?
• How do we feel about protecting versus preparing our child for life’s challenges?
• How will we teach our child about respect for others?

Complex life topics are all part of the Pre-Baby Talk. That’s why, when the baby comes, you’ll be ready and prepared for…

…all the love in the world.

Which of these conversations do you think are the most important? Let me know in the comments!

Don’t forget to pin this post so you’ll always have these conversation ideas handy!